ADULT: Looking for a meal

Looking for someone within the next day or two to take me to a restaurant for a good, hearty meal. I've been having to choose between rent and eating and have not had any food in the last week. I'm so hungry I'm desperate. Looking for a nice guy willing to take me somewhere, I don't even care where it doesn't have to be nice. Maybe to a restaurant where you could treat me to a couple courses. Just looking to eat. We can negotiate on my full stomach. I'm so hungry.

GIGS: Need someone to Edit our Home Movies

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FOR SALE: BED - Never been fucked on

I have a mattress for sale that I've only had a short time, I prefer a softer mattress. It's from IKEA, their Urkj model. The mattress is in perfect condition, complete with mattress cover. There are no visible stains and the mattress has never been fucked on.

Selling for $150 obo
Pick-up only

JOBS: FOOD/BEV/HOSPITALITY - Barftender

Looking to hire a barftender for a newly renovated pub in the Lougheed area of Coquitlam.

Duties include mixing drinks that will turn to barf, keeping the barf area clean and organized, and wiping up barf from drunks you served 20 minutes before.

This is a newly renovated facility that does not yet smell like barf and we'd like to keep it that way. There are no barf stains on the seat cushions or carpets, we would like the pub to remain barf-stain free.

Candidates must be:
punctual
organized
reliable
experienced at tending barf
have a thick stomach lining

Please reply with resume and qualifications. Compensation based on experience. Priority given to those with experience in scooping up barf.

PERSONALS: I'm a spammer - 29 (w4m)

I’m a blond haired blue-eyed author. I like games with blindfolds, horticulture, and sexual biblical references. I also have a fascination with marketing and am currently completing my masters in it.

Looking for a guy who likes the outdoors, can slow down to appreciate the simple things in life. A guy who can excite me and cook me breakfast once in a while.

Just so you know, I’m a spammer. I need to confess this early on, because before you even take me on a date, I will spam up the telephone conversation, and then when you drive me in your car, I’ll spam on the way. I’ll spam in your bed if we have sex after. I’ll even spam on your penis! I can’t help it. I’m a spammer.

Here is some of my spam:

alisonslist.blogspot.com

SERVICES: FARM & GARDEN - Bikini Weed-eaters

… & gardeners, lawn mowers, etc.

We’ll come to your house and cut your lawn or pick weeds, do whatever light outside yard work in our bikinis. Similar to the service bikini/underwear maids perform, except outside. Plus the added benefit of everyone seeing a hot lady cut your grass.

Email for more info/electronic flyer

(PS - No jokes about bush trimming, please, unless you never want our service)

FOR SALE: JEWELLERY - Rolodex Watch

I have a Rolodex watch that my ex gave me and now I would like to sell it to the highest bidder. I have no idea how much Rolodexes cost but I'm hoping it will pay for my Past Life regression certification or something. I don't have a source of income anymore so I have to rely on stuff like this. Does anybody use watches anymore, please. Even if someone is kind enough to send me a message telling me how much I should charge for a Rolodex, I would really appreciate it.