PERSONALS: I'm a spammer - 29 (w4m)

I’m a blond haired blue-eyed author. I like games with blindfolds, horticulture, and sexual biblical references. I also have a fascination with marketing and am currently completing my masters in it.

Looking for a guy who likes the outdoors, can slow down to appreciate the simple things in life. A guy who can excite me and cook me breakfast once in a while.

Just so you know, I’m a spammer. I need to confess this early on, because before you even take me on a date, I will spam up the telephone conversation, and then when you drive me in your car, I’ll spam on the way. I’ll spam in your bed if we have sex after. I’ll even spam on your penis! I can’t help it. I’m a spammer.

Here is some of my spam:

alisonslist.blogspot.com

SERVICES: FARM & GARDEN - Bikini Weed-eaters

… & gardeners, lawn mowers, etc.

We’ll come to your house and cut your lawn or pick weeds, do whatever light outside yard work in our bikinis. Similar to the service bikini/underwear maids perform, except outside. Plus the added benefit of everyone seeing a hot lady cut your grass.

Email for more info/electronic flyer

(PS - No jokes about bush trimming, please, unless you never want our service)

FOR SALE: JEWELLERY - Rolodex Watch

I have a Rolodex watch that my ex gave me and now I would like to sell it to the highest bidder. I have no idea how much Rolodexes cost but I'm hoping it will pay for my Past Life regression certification or something. I don't have a source of income anymore so I have to rely on stuff like this. Does anybody use watches anymore, please. Even if someone is kind enough to send me a message telling me how much I should charge for a Rolodex, I would really appreciate it.

EROTIC SERVICES: Poo Underwear

Sometimes when I'm so turned on thinking about a hot man, I have to go poo and I poo in my underwear just a tiny bit but enough to leave a little mark of poo to help me remember how hot my fantasy man gets me. When I'm wearing a thong there's even more poo cause it's closer to the poo in my butt that is just waiting to shoot out in anticipation of my hot fantasy bursting through my bathroom door. Sometimes I even poo more than a smudgen, I poo a half-dollar size dollup of poo in my cute little pink lacy panties that I got 2 for 1 deal cause I go through lots of underwear cause I poo in it. I always got tons of poo underwear in my laundry basket, just waiting to get washed and then pooed on again.

Would you like a pair of my poo underpants? Send me a hot message and maybe it will turn me on enough to have to go poo so much I can't hold it all in and a little poo comes out and leaves a nice brown stain for you. I would love to mail it to you so you can see and smell how much you turn me on.

Poo Panties - $25
Poo Thong - $35
Quarter size poo smudgen - $45
Half-dollar size poo smudgen - $55

(Poo smudgens come on pairs of plain white cotton undies)

RANTS AND RAVES: Turkey Help!!

Can someone tell me how to fuck a turkey properly?
I’m wanting to fuck the perfect turkey this Thanksgiving, and I’ve done the research online and it seems as though everyone has a different way of fucking their turkey and now I’m unsure of how to fuck mine. I know you’re supposed to thaw the turkey out and then scoop the gizzard and all that, but I don’t know how long to fuck it for. And at what temperature? Some people said to fuck it for 6-8 hours and others said only 4. Supposedly it depends on how big the turkey is. Also, some people suggested tying up the legs before fucking it and others said to leave the legs open. And also, what about basting? Should I baste the turkey before I fuck it or should I baste it half way through fucking it, or both? Thanks, your fucking suggestions will save my Thanksgiving!

FREE STUFF: Seeking: pee

I’m looking for donations of pee this Christmas season. Not for drug test or anything like that, I am doing an art project in the snow with fresh piss. The yellower the better (bright yellow, not chicken-soup-brown yellow). I am willing to take pee from humans or pets. I am using my own pee as well, but I need a lot. Unfortunately I am unable to pay you right now, but I figure most of you would be “throwing” it out anyway. And your piss will be turned into art. Thank you.

Response from T.P. Fairbanks:
If you can manage to get a surplus of B vitamins in your system (by taking a B complex) you'll get a rich, bright orange-yellow piss. Don't worry about overdosing on B; it's a water-soluble vitamin (you piss out whatever your body doesn't use).

FREE STUFF: Computer

I have a computer I’d like to give away that I found in the dumpster in my back alley. I was going to keep it but when I hooked it up and turned it on it had all this code gibberish on it and looks like it might have some confidential government information stored in there or something. It started beeping like an alarm so I unplugged it and haven’t turned it back on. I’d just like to wash my hands of it and was gonna put it back in the dumpster but when I went back out to the dumpster the entire dumpster was gone. Freaked me out a bit. If anyone has more courage than I do, the computer’s yours, please take it.

Response from Jeff: If by some chance you still have it..,I'll take it.I'm on the upper west side.Thanks.

Response from Tom: Hi do you still have that computer. Thanks Tom